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Many things you can do with a few bricks

Columnist Rita Corbett analyses the depths of arguing, mediation, collaboration and mediation.

OK, so I had an argument this morning.

It wasn’t much, I suppose, but what made me really feel bad about it was this: the scrap was with someone important.

Someone I really care about, or need to have in my corner.

Of course, the other party was wrong.

I knew the facts.  I was sure of them! Why couldn’t that someone just see it my way?

So I pushed harder, then I pushed some more, certain that if I just presented my case strongly enough, the ignorant person I was speaking with would eventually come around.

Then came the quiet.

That somber moment when I knew I had alienated someone central to my life.

After that, I was pretty sure no one would call me to negotiate for the United Nations, or solicit my skills as ambassador in some far off paradise.

What do those peacekeepers do, anyway, when they want to work things out?

I’m pretty certain the United Nations doesn’t subscribe to any ‘hater’ apps, or rush in brandishing their solutions.

So I dug around in international muck to see where they begin, and found a jewel.

They start by strengthening the other party’s side.

No wonder there are cracks in the walls I build!

The United Nations starts with understanding, empathy, and support.

“I see your point.”

And “Yes, that makes sense to me.”

They fortify the opposing position before beginning collaboration.

Then those gifted mediators work together to realize future goals.

Of all the broken-down walls and disheveled fences that surround us, those that spring up in our homes are the most difficult to deal with.

But unity isn’t the same thing as agreement.

We can maintain honourable purposes while we hone individual ideas into world-class alliances.

Or why have committees, two parents, councils and parliaments?

Imagine, “I want to have a good relationship with you, regardless of our differences?”

Or, “Wow — I value your opinion — that really helps me think!”

All this in the middle of a risky disagreement?

I wish I had tried that this morning!

But I forgot, “Your viewpoint is important to me.”

And “I would really like to understand ...”

It’s easy to grandstand, tune out other voices, and lock our opinions in darkened corners.

And looking backward to the unchangeable “He said, she said,” may only ferment more argument!

Verbal bricks come to mind every day, offering us options of what to build.

Today a few thousand of them will fly ... somewhere.

Those earthy critters can create high, acrimonious barriers, or establish pathways to something new.

Instead of trying to dig up old, cold castles, I’d rather construct a future opportunity.  Word by word, brick by brick — the difference between a wall and a walkway.

Today, unless you want to build something worth keeping, please don’t call me.

I need to keep my phone lines open.

Just in case the United Nations calls.

Or someone even more important.  LOL@wltribune.com.

Rita Corbett is a freelance columnist with the Tribune/Advisor.