Kicked the cigarette habit but not the coffee pot


I live in a coffee pot, and I liked smoking because it showed the politicians because — even though they said I had killed my friends, kids, grandkids and myself because I smoked — I wasn’t as stupid or gullible as they thought I was!


I live in a coffee pot, and I liked smoking because it showed the politicians because — even though they said I had killed my friends, kids, grandkids and myself because I smoked — I wasn’t as stupid or gullible as they thought I was!

The $10-per-package of 20 cigs — I wasted $12 a day to show them they couldn’t force me to quit even if I had to eat macaroni and cheese instead of healthy food.

I showed them!

Then I was receiving freight, stocking shelves, removing and replacing my supercharger heads and porting my engine’s heads.

My left chest hurt and my forearms were numb.

My chest was still paining me in the morning so I drove the three hours to Williams Lake and went to the hospital’s ER so they could put me on a heart monitor for three hours.

Bad hearts in family history and, according to all advertisements I’d seen, I was dying because I smoked. The government advertised that smokers usually died from cancer or heart attack.

“Obviously” I was having a heart attack.

So, at 5 p.m., when they finally let me get out of the hospital because the real problem was working — heavy lifting while bent over had caused my neck muscles to swell was what caused that pinched nerve.

Since they wouldn’t let me have a coffee or eat (because I might have had a tiny heart attack, etc.) I was so mad that I threw my smokes away, then went straight to Tim Hortons and bought a coffee.

A couple weeks later I still had no desire to smoke.

I phoned my doctor (Deetlefs) and told him, “I won’t be needing you anymore.”  He said, “What?”  I said, “I quit smoking so now I’m invulnerable and can’t die so I don’t need you anymore.

“Well, that’s according to what the government says anyway.”

He laughed his head off and told me that he was going to the hospital to tell them what a great job they did.True story.

How’s that for funny?  Easy to see why I enjoy my coffee in the morning, noon and all day long.

Ted Hlokoff

Nimpo Lake

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