Bob’s campaigns

Columnist Robert Nichol campaigns some his latest thoughts

I see that at the Liberal convention recently they voted to legalize marijuana. Well, I have a thing to say about that.

Firstly, the idea that it is addictive is false.

I have friends who have been smoking it steady for years and they are not addicted.

I would hope you join the Liberals and me in our campaign to legalize marijuana. Now this, of course, leads me to consider other campaigns that I would like to espouse such as:

• Buy local, eat local, bank local and think local.

• To stop people from talking too much and start listening.

• Get people to give up TV for a month and read more.

• Stop people from eating hamburgers to save the Amazon Rain Forest, which is being cut down rapidly to grow beef (I’m sure we can succeed here).

• Give all teenagers with raging hormones the vote.

• Have everyone adopt three cats to solve their over population problem.

• Stop everyone from buying into the propaganda of TV commercials.

(And don’t believe them when they say:  “While supplies last.” They have warehouses full of the stuff).

• Make everyone take up horseback riding. If they can’t get out and walk, at least they can get out. (Besides, it will help support the dude ranches up here in the Cariboo).

• Make all bureaucrats work in the private sector for a year and if they survive without getting fired, give them their old job back. Hopefully, the wiser.

• Make everyone healthier by asking them to eat less junk food and switch to sprouts. (I’m sure we can talk them into it, given a few generations).

• A campaign to question everything Big Pharma tells you.

• Likewise to question everything Big Oil tells you.

• To not  believe the government when they say: “Don’t worry about a thing, everything is under control, we’re handling it.”

• Get rid of Haggis forever.

• Stop people from stealing cheese. Apparently its the most stolen food in the world. (No doubt as the cost is approaching that of a bar of gold).

• Stop Viagra from sponsoring hockey games. It can’t be all that bad. Okay so its the fastest selling drug in U.S. history. (It’s too bad I didn’t have stock in Pfizer. Those little blue pills have really taken off).

• Forbid people to spend their lives completely concerned with sex. (This is bound to be a tough one).

• Have people tune into the OM channel so they can spend their day in meditative bliss.

• Drink more tea. Guess what? Nine billion cups of tea are drunk in Canada each year. Now divide that by roughly 33 million people and exclude those pesky coffee drinkers and little children, how many cups per person a day is that? You do the math, its far too complicated for me.

• Have everyone carve their own totem pole and stick it in front of their house. Thus proclaiming their lineage and animal totem.

• Stop the obsessive/compulsives from pushing the elevator button after its been pushed by someone else and is already lit up.

• Ask people to assume a real identity when it comes to revealing who they are and stop playing games.

• And finally, lets start a campaign to get people to use their God-given intelligence for once. (OK I admit this is a bit cynical, but believe me!).


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